yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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