That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
