What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
