k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
