It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
