in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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