So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We left the knife in your bed.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
