as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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