i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
