Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
