Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
