Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
