Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
