...so i touched it.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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