A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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