I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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