Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
