It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
