Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
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