she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize