I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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