Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
They have beer where we have blood.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
