But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
