I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
