So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Porn is love you can see.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
