Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
