i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
