i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
