sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
