Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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