you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
they call him Oral-B. enough said
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
