Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize
