she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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