'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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