I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
