I like to think it a success when the cops are called
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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