I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
