Umm I'm too high to move.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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