Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
