i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
