he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
