Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
