Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
