we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
