IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize
