You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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