I think I died a long time ago.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
