wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
