Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
