AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
