my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
