New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
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