Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
